Get Real: Who Do You Serve?

Have you ever felt frustration about the way things are going in your life? Felt yourself slide into a rut and not know how to pull out? How does this happen, anyway? Sometimes our lack of progress is due to a basic lack of honesty with ourselves.

In yoga, as in life, we make the most progress when we 1) accept where we are right now - as opposed to where we want to be, or were five years ago, and 2) make a good effort toward progressing forward, based on where we are. This is how transformation happens: by first getting honest with ourselves, then making appropriate changes in the right direction. As much as it serves our yoga practice, though, honest self-appraisal doesn't always make the transition off the mat, where it is also a necessary condition for change.

What prevents us from being honest with ourselves? Lots of things - all of which probably stem from a lack of mindfulness, or awareness. For one thing, we unknowingly internalize expectations of others (such as parents, society) and create our own, and our desire to live up to those expectations can bias or distort our perspective. At other times we compare ourselves with others. Or we pretend we're something we're not - creating a role for ourselves to play that is more fantasy than reality. We, ahem, bullshit ourselves because, basically, the truth can be hard and this isn't compatible with wanting to feel ok all the time, which is what we humans seem wired to do.

You may have heard that the brain has what are called reward centers, areas which, when stimulated, release a cascade of neurochemicals that make you feel good. Or better than good. When behaviors stimulate these reward centers, they are said to be intrinsically reinforcing - that is, they are more likely to happen again. If we're not mindful, we can become conditioned to act in ways (however misguided) that seek only to make us feel ok (now!), over and over again. The reward centers can in essence hijack the more rational decision making part of the brain if allowed to do so. This is why, as the commercial reminds us, you can't eat just one potato chip. Unfortunately, the brain's reward centers are not interested in self-honesty, values, ethics, or anyone else's well-being, including your own in the long-term. This primitive part of the brain is only interested in immediate gratification. Lest we become addicted, or out of control in some other way, we need to be able to resist the call of this primitive brain and be committed to a certain standard of behavior.

Living a principled life is not always the obvious choice because it's often inconvenient and the benefits are not always evident in the short-term. In the long term, though, we maximize our odds of having positive outcomes if we do the right things now. Honesty and a commitment to certain values help us resist the call of our primitive brain. We need that commitment, because resisting the urge for immediate gratification can be difficult - especially if we're used to giving in to it.

Have you ever grabbed some fast food on the way home from work rather than make the time and effort to cook something healthy? Even if we know that eating healthy food is good for us in the long term, right now we want to EAT. So we choose convenience and short-term gratification at the expense of our health. Our reward centers celebrate while our arteries harden. How often are you actually glad that you went to Greasy Burger later on? In what other ways are you taking the easy way out?

This is where a mindfulness practice like yoga or meditation can help. These practices help increase our self-awareness - which is sometimes experienced as having an outside observer of your behavior. This gives us a different perspective, which among other things, can be a source of insight about our motivations. Simply put, it's harder to bullshit yourself after you've realized you're doing it.

Mindfulness oriented practices help us cultivate and sharpen our sense of values, too. As we become more aware of what we are doing, we become more aware of the impact our behavior has on ourselves, our future, and other people. Again, it's harder to pretend what you're doing is ok when you know what your behavior is really about and who it affects. Many people also find inspiration in studying yoga, which holds central life-affirming values such as nonharming, compassion, truth and love. Sometimes we need help in reminding ourselves of the importance of these qualities.

Mindfulness practices also quiet the mind, both reducing and making us more aware of our inner chatter. By putting a space between that thought "I'm starving" and pulling into the drive-thru you are given a choice you may have bypassed before. Take a deep breath and ask yourself, "what is the best thing for me to do right now?" Ask yourself if you are being really honest with yourself, or just acting out of a desire to feel better. Finally, yoga and meditation can help lower your overall level stress and anxiety, which makes you feel better and may make you less likely to seek relief in unhealthy ways.

So, next time you're about to turn into the drive-thru lane, ask yourself: which do you choose to serve: your reward system or your commitment?

Maintaining Sanity in Insane Times

I was recently talking to a friend of mine who, as a teacher, enjoys summers off but will soon be returning to school. She explained that she's been doing a lot of yoga and personal work this summer - and wonders how her hard-earned serenity will hold up when she has to return to the chaos of work. I thought it was an excellent question - how do we maintain serenity in chaos? Here are a few thoughts:

*Maintain your practice and your routine. When time is tight, it becomes tempting to abandon yoga, meditation, or whatever you practice. We all take a day (or two+!) off from time to time, which is fine. The problem is that we'll tell ourselves it's ok to take a few more days off, which then turns into a week, a month and longer. Yes, it can be difficult, but making the time - even just 10 minutes a day for meditation - will keep you in touch with your practice and yourself. You will stay more centered and paradoxically, have more time for the rest of your life if you make the time to practice. Trust the process. Show up, and the process of practice will carry you along.

*Observe your internal dialog. Cultivate an awareness of your thoughts and feelings, and ask yourself: what are you adding to your situation? Negativity? Resistance? Often our thoughts about a situation can add a lot of stress and negativity, and we're not even aware of them. A good practice is to acknowledge our thoughts and feelings and label them (ex: "I'm thinking about how much I dread going back to school. Feeling anxiety.") Then, practice letting the thought and/or feeling go, and return to the present moment by focusing on your breath or other physical sensations. (Note I said 'practice' - it does take some practice). If you have trouble letting go of your thoughts, visualization can help: you might imagine your thoughts or feelings are like clouds drifting overhead, helium balloons that you release and watch float away, or boxes on a conveyor belt being carried away. For some reason, thoughts and feelings seem to have a need to be acknowledged, but it helps to remember that they are not facts. Some are useful; some are not. Just practice observing them and you will eventually begin to realize they are transitory and you don't have to get carried away by them. And when we are not caught up in our own storyline (ex: "I have to go back to school in a few weeks and it's going to be awful") we can meet day to day challenges with a lot more clarity, less negativity and resistance.

*Remind yourself of your intention. Why do you do what you do? Do you have a personal mission statement? Even if your job (or your life) isn't finding a cure for cancer or ending world hunger, you can create your own meaning by considering what is important to you and reminding yourself of this regularly. It doesn't have to be a big mission like saving the world. Maybe you will try to make one person smile today. Your mental health (and others') will benefit.

*Ask yourself when you start tensing up - "could I lighten up about this?" Chances are, you could. We tend to take things - especially things our ego doesn't like, such as conflict, disapproval, and other challenges sooo seriously. You may have heard this before, but it bears repeating: when you're stressed about something, ask yourself, "will this matter in a year from now?" Most of our day to day snits we won't even remember in a year. Take a deep breath (or several) and lighten up when you can.

*Have some fun. Laugh. Have a sense of humor, and don't forget to make time to see friends and do the things you enjoy. If you spend a lot of time working, you will need some time spent away from work to decompress and recalibrate your mind and emotions. Again, time constraints can make this a challenge, but you won't regret making this a priority. Of course, as with all things, balance is the key. I'm not suggesting going on a weekend drinking binge in the name of having fun, just that it's a good idea to make sure you have some down time.

*Accept that life can be difficult. I think sometimes we forget this, and when the going gets tough, we think we're doing something wrong, or are inadequate to meet the challenge. The truth is, life is challenging for everyone at times, and in the big picture, it's not that important that we are 100% happy, 100% of the time. Our expectation or need to be happy all the time can actually make us more unhappy! This doesn't mean you have to endure horrible situations that can and should be changed. It just means that not every phase of our life is easy - and that our greatest times of growth come from our greatest challenges. Step up to the plate. This is tapas. And don't hesitate to ask for help when you need it!

*Finally, remember that a challenging situation is an opportunity to serve. Whether you choose to serve God, humanity, your highest ideals (or all of the above), challenges are times to remember that it's not all about you (or me). When you stop feeling you have to protect yourself all the time, and enter a situation with an attitude of service, your load is lightened. And remember, all you have to do is do your best, and then leave it. (see last week's entry on the niyamas)!

Of course it's also a good idea to make sure you are eating well and getting enough rest, too. These are a few things I try to remember to do when the going gets tough. What do you do?